Want to get back to the old me…grief…loneliness…no joy anymore
Are you a woman who scribbles your thoughts into a journal from time to time? I am. I am certainly not a daily writer, but I have noticed I do gravitate towards this useful activity during times of hardship, or during life transitions, or especially if I feel like I am at a crossroads and I’m working through the options of which way I might turn next. I find writing down how I feel and what my thoughts are helps me to process my feelings and thoughts. Do you know what I mean? I’m sure you probably do, and even if you are not one to put pen to paper, you might ponder things too, or jot down ideas and thoughts onto a serviette in a café, or in your mobile phone as a note to remember for later….
I would like to share a few specific entries from my past personal journals with you, in the hope that it helps you to know me a little more, to understand my humanity, and to build a connection with you, even if its only ever stays here in the virtual world. I see you. I have been to some of the difficult places in life you might have been to, or are going through now.
These journal entries are from my past, that I have written during a difficult time in my life, that is over now, thankfully. I did get through it. I did find my interior joy again. Some of you might resonate with some of this…
Feb 2016: “Grieving day.
Feeling very lonely and alone. Missing having my spouse around. Feeling restless & unable to set my mind to tasks I think I should do. Wanting a new adventure too. Missing sharing the day to day challenges of my day. I feel so isolated now. And sad. I miss little things, like being brought a cuppa to my desk, or hearing about his day.
I am grieving that he has chosen his own path, without me.
I am feeling like my decision making abilities are struggling. Sometimes I feel so strong & other times I feel so incapable & feeble.”
March 2016: “Create a space where I can live & thrive & breathe...
& then walk into the big life/calling. A place to thrive & grow.”
March 2016: “An observation by Amy, [daughter], that I don’t seem very enthusiastic
or interested in my business much these days. I guess I have lost mostly all my joy in life. I am serious most of the time. No joie de vivre. No silliness or fun or laughing. I have become very introspective. I wonder was this a gradual progression or did something trigger this?”
“I feel as though I am very unsettled. I seem to move from one idea to the next, one dream to the next, one grand plan to the next. Am I meant to settle or not? Am I meant to be so changeable? Why is my spirit so restless? Why have I lost my joy? The borders of my life have been stretched in every
April 2016: “Realised I have stopped having fun.
And I am not very good at relaxing in a deep way & smile. Want to get back to that, the old me…”
If this blog resonates with you, please know you are not alone.
I have a heart to help women who have been though a difficult life transition or change in circumstances. I have lots of tools and skills to help. Feel free to reach out to me for a chat.
I have created a self help guide for you too, if you want to work on things by yourself for now. It is a
step-by-step downloadable little workbook that you can pick and choose the parts in it that are most
relevant to you and your current needs. I invite you to download it here.